Ask An Expert – Teenager Freedom

Question: How much freedom should I allow my teenager to have in Shanghai?

Answer: Dr. Tyrone Bristol, Chief Medical Officer/Pediatrician, gives his answer… With additional writing by Hugo Petitjean, Medical Admin Intern

It depends! How much freedom do you want your teenager to have? Rearing a healthy child is challenging but even more so as they grow up. As parents we want to balance their normal desire for autonomy and independence with our wish to always protect them. Unfortunately there is no set of rules that if strictly followed will accomplish the goal of a perfectly healthy teenager. However there are guidelines and recommendations that parents should consider to help them and their teenager through this period. Knowing, understanding and accepting the different developmental phases (early, middle, or late) of teenagers is a good place to start. This gives parents the opportunity to adjust their behavior towards the teenager and promote a healthier relationship. We often forget that all teenagers are different and regardless of how old they are or how mature they look, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are ready for the level of independence they might want or we think they should have. Parents have to continually assess the maturity level of their teenager.

Another important factor is learning about the different risks a teenager might encounter in a city like Shanghai. Though physical violence might be lower compared to other Western cities, our teenagers might face situations where they have easier access to things such as alcohol, tobacco and other drugs. Therefore they might be more inclined to take risks for which they or we are unprepared. It is recommended that parents establish and communicate a clear set of values and rules concerning appropriate behaviors for their teenager. For example, have your teenager tell you exactly where they are at all times and obtain contact information for the people they are with in case of an emergency. If you just moved to Shanghai, it is important to realize that the rules you set before should not change and in some cases may need to be tightened given the many unknown risks in a new setting. Consistency helps your teenager clearly understand the values and rules within your family.

Teenagers naturally take risks; it is part of them growing up and learning who they are by sometimes doing things that teaches them who they are not. Our goal is to help them explore their environment and themselves without engaging in behaviors associated with serious health consequences.